"The Big Picture"

Months of early morning training runs and a full day on the weekend were spent in preparation for my first ultra and a PR at Honolulu.

Early morning runs were not the hop-out-of-bed and go through the motions to get in 8-12 miles before work.  I did track workouts, tempos, hills, and the long run.  At times painful training.  Anxiety the night before in anticipation of the splits I needed to hit.  Yet after the workout was over, the confidence in my ability to complete Peacock and break the dreaded 3:20 barrier at Honolulu seemed possible.

Hibiscus Half. 

My coach told me to BELIEVE.  I still have the sticky note on my computer monitor as my daily reminder to BELIEVE my body is capable.  I wrote BELIEVE with a sharpie next to my Garmin when I ran my last half as I wanted to hit 1:31.  I nailed my splits and won overall female that day.  Ok, the fast girls must have slept in, but I still believed.

My life for months, actually since January of 2012, consisted of work. The kids.  And training.  Life was pretty much perfect.

Perfect Life.

Until Sunday, September 22nd, 11 miles into a 20 mile trail training run at Peacock.  I'm a road runner. Have blogged about it.  Not super comfortable where there are roots and rocks.  Steve was encouraging  me on the trails so I wasn't such a wuss.  During that run, he told me I was doing great, going faster downhill where there were rocks (SCARY!), and I was feeling more confident that I would leave the 50k in my own car, verses an ambulance.  That's a little dramatic, I wasn't worried about an ambulance.  Yet I was worried I was going to suck.  I'm too competitive to suck.

The ankle rolled.  It hurt but not bad enough to take the short cut back to the car, as I wanted to get the mileage in. A couple miles later, it really hurt.  The entire way down Long Road I was miserable.  If someone had offered to pack me on a bike, I would have gladly accepted a ride.  I'm not really into quitting before set mileage is done.  I wanted to quit.

Yet I was sure after a few days of rest, I would be ready to hit the road again.  Boot for a week. Ice. Motrin. Clear xray. No running. Aqua jogging started at week 4 of being down as I needed an outlet and felt my muscles turning to mush.  Still pain.  MRI at 6 weeks down.  Bursitis in my foot.  More Motrin and Icing with instructions to call the doctor a week later.  7 weeks down and no improvement so doc wants me to see an orthopedic surgeon to see why I'm not getting better.

On Saturday I decided that I had missed my ultra so I wouldn't set myself back.  Had not run for 7 weeks.  And Aqua Jogging doesn't give me the endorphins I'm used to.  So I hiked Tantalus with Steve and it was exhilarating to get dirty.  See amazing views and snag a 2lb avocado.  I wanted more so ran yesterday and today.  Today my foot hurts more than it has the last few weeks.  Oopsie.

Yet during today's run, I realized just how brave I want to be, but how deeply I'm hurting inside.

I have tried to be brave.  I showed up at the starting line at the Peacock 50k and 100k.  I helped check people in and my heart ached as I wanted to be in race mode.  I questioned if I really would set myself back, and should have just ran the race.  All the while smiling and encouraging my husband to race smart so he would finish his first 100k.

Before the start of Peacock. 

Instead of going home and crawling in bed and bawling that I was injured, I helped set up the aid station at Long Road.  Brought my cow bell and cheered for the racers coming through. Supportive Malia.  If you can't race, than support those that can.

That day ended.  Steve did amazing.  I am still so proud of how he listened to his body during the race and finished strong.  Yet deep down, I wondered how I would have done.  Would I have listened to my body?  Would I have sucked?

There are races leading up to Honolulu.  Steve and I cheered for those racing the 30k.  The half this coming Sunday was on my race schedule.  I noticed today it's still on my Training Plan.  Obviously, I'm not doing it.

I didn't have any idea the impact of becoming injured and my running coming to a halt would have on me.  My work.  My dreams.  Gone.  Yes, I'm trying to look at the big picture.  At least that's what I tell myself.  Focus on Boston.  You'll be better by then and can PR there.  "In the big picture of life, these are only a few months!".  My son told me today that "Honolulu is there every year".  He's right.  It is there every year.  But I didn't get up at o-dark thirty for months on end to race it next year.

I'm sad.  And I'll continue to nod my head up and down when people tell me to look at the big picture.  Yet I wonder, have their dreams been shattered by a training injury?  Because if not, they shouldn't say thing.  Just give me a beer.

Dirt Vs Concrete

I must confess that I consider myself a road runner first and foremost.  I love the trails. They make me happy.  After observing the difference between those that run and race on the road, and those that conquer trails, I hate to admit it.  We are different.

Not the elitist jogger vs runner argument.  Or technical trail vs jeep road vs gravel pathway argument. 

I'm taking about attitude. 

I live by my training schedule.  I know on Sunday what my week looks like and do not deviate by it at all.  Races are scattered throughout the year to track my progress. It's like dessert, after eating all the vegetables. For 12 months I had 1 goal that I set my eyes on: to qualify for Boston.   After qualifying in December, 19 minutes and 35 seconds faster than needed (but who's counting?), I aimed to go faster. Training to PR at Honolulu in December with anything under a 3:19:59!   So I hit the pavement 6 days a week, in which 3 of them are hard work days.  I have learned that Tuesdays and Thursday are" bring it" days and Saturdays are long, but not as painful as Tuesdays.  (Thank you coach for being consistent on "sufferfest" days.)

Graphs from my hills- with -tempo run this morning

In the meantime, while Steve was training for the Pike's Peak Marathon last year, I fell in love with running trails.  Steve and I have taken 3 vacations in the past 12 months and the highlight of each is to find trails.  I have no desire to run on the road while on vacation.  Maybe I look at trails as vacation?!?! 

After watching and crewing for 2 ultras,  the seed was planted and I wondered if I could ever complete an ultra on the trails.  The seed festered for a bit, I ran more trails, and on October 19th, I'm tackling my first Ultra.  I have no expectations.  Well, I don't want to suck. 


So once a week, I take one of those weekly training runs to the trails.  And guess what.  The Garmin SUCKS at calculating mileage/time when you are running switchbacks and climbing mountains.And guess what else? The "Trail Runners" don't care?!?!  Like honestly, they don't wear Garmins. Have no idea...well maybe a little...how far we went.  Or how long we were there.  It's super amazing.  And impossible to get out of them exactly how far we went.

I usually run trails with Steve and Makai.  I will label them as "Road Runners' as well. We calculate how far we went, elevation, and pace.  We still enjoy the trails and drink up the beauty around us.  But, we're tracking every step.  Twice I've run trails with the super fabulous HURT crew.  And completed one race.  Volunteered at two races that Steve and Makai raced. I love them.  Nicest people ever.  Fun to be around.  But that's another post.

Do you know what these super nice fun people do at their races?  1. They don't have a large clock at the finish line! 2. If you are in the lead, they make you run more of the course than those not in the lead. 3. One race had a staggered start.  Times are not adjusted so even if your time is faster, you may not "win". 

I noticed no one even cares about their time.  And for the most part, what "place" they got.  Can you even imagine a bunch of road racers being told to run an extra mile just because they were fast?  And then being compared to runners that didn't run the extra mile?  Riots would start I tell you!  

Looking back, my one solo trail race that I did...didn't care what my "official" race time was. And there was a clock at the finish.  I was just so happy I navigated the rocks and jumped up after my fall and was able to complete the race.  And I actually don't think they have an "official" finishing time.  On the road, you have to wait to see what is official. :) 

Early Saturday morning a group of us Kailua girls, headed to Peacock Flats to meet the HURT crew for a training run.  Peacock is the home of my first Ultra.  In this group are some amazing athletes.  50 milers, 100 milers, yeah, they do them.  All the time.  I felt super insignificant saying I was training for the 50k.  Guess what, not one of them scoffed at me.  Or bragged that they were running ANOTHER 100 miler in 2 weeks.  They were excited for me.  And although I don't have an Ultra race resume, up the mountain we went, like I was one of their own.  

I ended up running, and I use the word loosely, because it was a mud fest, with some of the lead runners.  We skied down mud laden trails in our trail shoes. Apparently one dude had hiking sticks but I heard they don't work well as ski poles.  One of the girls knocks out 50 and 100 milers like I do half marathons.  We chatted because it's easier to chat skiing down a hill than running sub 7's on the road.  

Just hanging in the clouds.  Garmin stopped, of course.

Cannot find this on the road. 

Every so often, we stopped, and waited for the entire group to get together so no one would get lost.  Of course, I stopped my Garmin.  I believe I was the only one wearing a Garmin.  Can you imagine running on the road and just waiting for the others to catch up?  Uh no.  Get home, shower, stretch, and brew some coffee.  

As we were heading down the last couple miles of switchbacks, I asked one of the guys how far we'd gone?  This was after he helped "train" me on how to run downhill on wet slick trail without falling on my ass.  He said around 15 miles.  Looked at my Garmin and it was CLEARLY more than 15 miles, and adding switchbacks, I'm thinking this is more like 16 miles.  He honestly couldn't answer my question and didn't care what the mileage was.   What nice little number am I supposed to put on my training plan?

Data from the trail.  It didn't capture the fun though!

Off the trail we ran to the car.  Beer bottles were opened and fruit and snacks made their way to the tailgate of the truck.  No one talked about splits, mileage, or even how long we were out there.  Talk was of the next races, group runs, and food recipes.
It was so refreshing.  In the back of my head, I still wondered how far I'd run.  And knew it didn't matter.  I ran about half of the course I am tackling in October and gained more confidence in my ability to complete the race.  Every time I go up there, I feel stronger.


I wish I could turn off my road runner mind when I'm on the trails.  When I'm on the road, I'm focusing on miles under my legs and splits to hit that marathon time.  I need both "attitudes" to conquer my 2013 goals.  

Split personality would be handy about now.  

More. To This Life.

The Cure finally came to Hawaii.  First time ever.  Steve bought us tickets, the day they went on sale, and I must say that I felt like a teenager driving to the Blaidsdell Arena.  I was that excited.  And we stashed beer in a cooler.  Rebels.

refreshment in the car before the concert. 

They played Lovecats. Hot Hot Hot. Let’s Go To Bed. This Close To Me. LOVE that music.  I wore super high strappy sandals.  The damage they did to my feet in 3 hours will be felt for a least a few days.  Next time I’m wearing my Newtons.

Which leads me to why I am blogging.  I ran into a ton of people I hadn’t seen in a long. long. time at the concert.  Some Facebook “friends” who I rarely see, but we keep tabs on each other through social media.  At one point in our lives we saw each other face to face.  Often.

Three women.  Not together.  All commented on my running.  Like the first thing out of their mouth. 

“Love keeping up with your running.”

“Wish I could run like you”. To which I replied, just lace up your shoes and run.

 “I think of you and want to run, but….”.  See above comment.

“Are your pictures staged?” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“You inspire me Malia!”  Music to my ears.

You get the picture.  They didn’t ask about my work.  I do work 40 hours a week, usually more. I carry a phone on me and am “on call” 24/7. In fact the night of the concert.  6:30 pm. I was working.  While applying make up.  And figuring out an outfit. No one asked about my kids either.  Have 3 of those the last time I checked.  3 darling little creatures who are constantly asking for money. Or anything else in my life.  Not that cooking. laundry. or keeping up with the house is very interesting.

I was in no way offended.  I LOVE to chat about running.  They probably regretted opening up that conversation.  

But it got me thinking....

Have I given the impression on Facebook that all I do is run?  It is my happy place.  (Other happy place is the beach. In Hawaii.) I love to share my adventures.  And the underlying goal: inspire someone to get out the fricken door.  Cancer? Puuleeez! Kids? Apparently The Bob is the new Baby Jogger stroller.  Husband deployed?  All the more reason to lace up the shoes.  Yet running only takes up a very. very. very small portion of my day.

Let's average 1.5 hours of running a day. Ok, maybe 2 hours.  There ARE 24 hours in a day.

I don’t find my office super interesting.  (Work yes. But a lot of what I do is not be to shared.)  Except when I get a Plank Owner's Surfboard.  Stein. Country Music Stars stop by for a visit.  Speedy aircraft.  Then I take a picture and post.

Speedy Aircraft.  The pilots I work with are much more badass than those that fly these.  I just think jets are way cool! 

No one needs to know how many loads of laundry I fold a day.  Or when I clean the house.  But I do “chores” daily.  Really I do.  I do not wear Lululemon throughout the day.  I’m not sure my boss would approve.  So I put on a dress, with heels.  Weekends? I live in a bathing suit.  After my run, of course.

Football season started today.  My feed will soon have game posts about the most adorable 10 year old.  1^st Cross Country Meet is at the end of the month.   Yeeeeeees. You know I must give weekly race reports.  The oldest is in college.  Surely there will be some OSU updates that I must share?!

Am I obsessed with running?  I feel quite certain I've given that impression. Probably not a good week to have this conversation with myself.  Monday, I “officially” started the countdown training plan to my 1^st Ultra in October.  And knock off some minutes for The Honolulu Marathon in December.  I would carefully say that running is my hobby and sanity rolled up into one.  It also keeps me fit and healthy.  And challenged.  The challenge makes me feel alive and incredibly fortunate when I conquer it. 

There are days when Kanoa wakes up before I get home from my run.  Sometimes he is waiting for me at the door with his Brooks on.  And we log a mile together.  Other times he is watching TV, still waking up.  There are hours when running takes Steve and I away from the kids.  But we choose to have date “night” in the morning running 3 hours in the mountains.  We could drive into town.  Eat at a restaurant.  See a movie.  Same amount of time away from home.  Running mountains is our idea of a great time together.

"Date" morning started with a sunrise on the north shore.  17 miles of beauty followed.

 

 

This run was gorgeous.  I ran it with Steve and Kai.  And a part of it with Kiana and Kanoa.

Facebook is filled with people I've known since I was five to peeps I've never even met in person.  I get messages from people who ran their first 5k and wanted to share it with me. If they share it with me because they think my whole life is running. Well....that is pretty awesome.

Running truly brings me joy.  Which is why I post about it so much.  But there is so much more to this life than my runs.  I just happen to work everything in around the run.  Or after the run.  Whatever...