Then There Was One

(Almost) Empty Nest Syndrome Is Real

Definition

I decided to write this, after neglecting the blog for 16 months, while sitting in church with tears streaming down my cheeks. The song we were singing in worship had nothing to do with a child leaving home, but all about God's love and grace. It set me off. And I found out it set Steve off too.  I didn't see his face during church because Kanoa was sitting between us. Yet I did observe both of us rubbing the Little's neck, back, and legs most of the sermon.  Kanoa tolerated it but am sure is over Mom and Dad clinging to his every word and has told me often this week that I ask too many questions. 

The house is quiet for 10.5 hours Monday through Friday. I leave at 6:55am to take Kanoa to school, well after Steve has left for the office. It's football season and practice ends at 5pm, but by the time Kanoa changes out of his gear and grabs his backpack out of the locker room, we get home at 5:30. Evenings are reminiscent of the last 21 years filled with homework, dinner, and preparing for the following day, except a lot quieter (Makai loves to chat and I sure miss hearing about what they discovered in Human Pys that day or how many cars tried to run him off the road while he was doing a workout on Kainalu or through Lanikai (Kailua drivers!!!).

Not only are my Big and Middle away at school, but my Little is in middle school which means athletics at the school, so Mompool is no longer needed.  That's actually a huge huge huge positive for Kanoa, but this new independence takes adjusting to. 

Football gear still needs to be cleaned daily

When Kiana left for school, we lived in a small 3 bedroom home and the boys shared a room. The boys loved having their own rooms and we went from the chaos of three different schools, to two and both close to the the house.  I was working full time and although I missed her terribly, the boys and work kept me busy enough that the distance didn't seem that great.  At least that's what I remember.  Having your first child leave for college may be like childbirth and you forget the painful parts.  Of course I counted the days until she came home for Christmas and was stunned at how much she had changed (that's for a different blog), but don't remember looking at her things and crying.

Before Kiana went to college collection

College influence collection

I'm not working full time, we're in a new hometown, and this past week has been rough.  I know you cannot truly miss someone in a week's span, but the knowledge of how our life has changed has caused many tears to flow.  A flood of memories have crept up on me and it seems the last 18 years zoomed by.  Preschool drop offs were a nightmare because Makai would cling to me and cry, yet as soon as I made it out of his sight he was fine. The 1st day of Kindergarten I was worried because he was so little (I don't even think he was on the charts at that time) and was seated next to the biggest kid in the class...they ended up being best friends until we moved away in 4th grade.  The milestones, challenges, and being his biggest cheerleader all happened way to fast. 

Enter running and we spent more time together than probably most Moms are able to spend with their teenage boys. At first we used to run together...can you believe he couldn't keep up with me just 3.5 years ago!!!???....and when he got faster and was bored of training on his own, I would bike beside him.  And we would talk. And talk. And talk. 

For the last 3 years, our weekends were filled with Kanoa's football games and Makai's races.  How did it go by in the blink of an eye?

Running kept him busy in High School. State Medals above.

Thankfully we leave Friday for Flagstaff to watch Makai's collegiate running career debut. Just as we were there on Bid Day for Kiana. The following weekend we are headed to Stillwater for our first Parent's Day for our Big. (More importantly it's Dad's Day for Tri Delta!) There will be another visit to Flag in October for their Parent's Day and I'm going to try and swing Homecoming at OSU later that month. 

If I can just get through the 10.5 hours of too much silence during the week.  Yes I run. And go to the gym.  Today I didn't get home until 11am after working out and grocery shopping and then had to walk the dog! "PHEW"! I check Snapchat and Twitter way too much to see if my Big and Middle have posted anything. Will probably work a few hours a week to get out of the house, but don't need or want full time as I have traveling to do. And a football player to take care of. 

Thankfully Makai has found his tribe. He has an outstanding coach and teammates to push him and encourage him. Something that was lacking during his high school experience. Between school and running, he's not going to miss us nearly as much as we miss him. There is joy in his voice when he calls me. That brings huge comfort knowing he is exactly where he is suppose to be.

$300+ worth of Go Fasters that Mom & Dad no longer have to pay for (& more to come!) :)

The dishwasher has been used twice in 9 days and I've never had so much food in the house for so long! Apparently Makai ate a lot and used a ton of dishes while making his food! He also did most of the grocery shopping and cooking. We used to grocery shop together or I'd send him with a list as he cooked every single night. Now I have to do one of my most hated chores: The Grocery Store! 

I am already saving for therapy in 6 years when my Little goes away. And planning a l-o-n-g running vacation for Steve and I.