The past couple months have sucked. There is no other word it describe it. Trying to remain positive. Trying to look at the big picture. And questioning my motivation and goals.
Kids are great. Husband is great. Job is great. Dog #1 fine. Dog #2, still stupid. Body? Not so hot. Calf strain seems to be healed. Abdominal/Liver/Kidney/Muscular pain still there (they named it Fibrositis, but my chiro isn't convinced). Not just running. Happens randomly. Stress fracture/bruising in my foot which came on suddenly after a 5k race a week ago. I don't race 5k's. Ran it to raise $ for my son's high school. Ran 6:30's. Felt super duper fabulous with no abdominal issues. 2 hours later can hardly walk.
Is this getting old? Like does this happen when you are 29+++?
Hiring a coach for Makai's distance running. He wants to run a 3 hour marathon. While communicating with the coach I considered hiring him myself. I see women my age running 3:15's like it's a walk in the park. I feel like. such. a. loser. with my 3:25 and 3:27 marathons. I work hard. I put in 50-60 mile weeks. When I try to add more, my body breaks.
My job and family keep me busy. I work 40+ hours a week. Kanoa is in 4th grade which means homework and after school sports. Makai is a sophomore and although he is independent and drives, he is involved in XC in the fall and track in the spring which means hours and hours at his races. I missed one track meet due to a work conflict and it was awful not being there. I wouldn't trade anything for not watching my kids in their activities. Then there are "chores" at home. My point: I'm busy and have a very fulfilling life. I'm not looking to fill my hours with a hobby because I sent my youngest off to Kindergarten and don't know what to do with myself. (Kiana is away at college and needs my guidance as to what type of tattoo to get and how many shots are too many!)
I went on a beach cruiser bike ride a couple days ago. Because my foot hurts I couldn't run. I think and pray and solve all the problems of the world when it's me and my Newtons hitting the pavement. So I thought and prayed on my beach cruiser bike ride in slippers. I think I averaged 13mph. Surely Ironman has not heard of me or my phone would be ringing.
 |
| Fixed Gear Bike. Basket for Water. Or Wine. |
 |
| No shoes needed. |
And my thoughts were all over the place but one stood out. Why am I so determined to run a 3:15? I checked off the Boston Qualifier (x2, so it totally feels legit). If I do run a 3:15, will I want to run a 3:05? I'm 29+++. My "prime" was 5-10 years ago. Are the races becoming my goal?
I don't ever feel like running is work. Yeah, some of those long runs suck. And striders hurt. I'm in a funk. Steve asked what was wrong today. I told him I didn't know, I felt like I was in funk. He said and I quote, "You only ran 11 miles this week. That's what's wrong!". And he's right. I only ran 11 miles because of my foot.
This morning I ran 5 miles barefoot. Alone. On the beach. Splashing through the water at times. I felt so alive. It was NOT the best thing for my foot. It WAS the best thing for my mind.
 |
| There really is no better place for me to be. |
I have been wanting to find other women who are as crazily addicted to running as I am to run/hang out with. Because in all honestly, I know there are people who think I am craaaaaaaaaazy. They don't get my endorphin addiction and my competitiveness. Just finishing a race has never been ok with me. There has to be miles logged and a plan in place for me to even show up at the starting line. I'm not wired to wing it and "pray" for a good outcome.
Kailua is a small town. The military even smaller. I ran the inaugural training run for a new running group on Saturday. Mainly military spouses. I really shouldn't have ran due to the foot issue. Yet I was so excited to run with other women (and men!) who want to improve and fellowship with other runners. :) :) :)
 |
| First club run. |
I'm thinking: This is great. A couple of these girls have some impressive resumes who will help me with techniques to improve. Maybe I can nail that 3:15.
I deferred Boston until 2014 due to races already lined up this year by the time I qualified. Seeing my friends who are running tomorrow makes me super happy for them. But I'm sad I'll be going to work tomorrow and not running Boston.
Does that answer my question? Will just running and not having a race to train for be enough right now? Or do I need to keep races on the calendar and PR's to crush to keep me motivated?
Mayors Marathon in June. Honolulu in December. Today I signed up for the Hibiscus Half next month. I will get that 1:32! And who knows what could happen in Alaska...
No comments:
Post a Comment