Ramblings (!!!) of a Confused/Competitive Runner

Skip if you have any urge to slap whiney/confused runners.

The past couple months have sucked.  There is no other word it describe it.  Trying to remain positive.  Trying to look at the big picture.  And questioning my motivation and goals.

Kids are great.  Husband is great.  Job is great.  Dog #1 fine.  Dog #2, still stupid.  Body?  Not so hot.  Calf strain seems to be healed.  Abdominal/Liver/Kidney/Muscular pain still there (they named it Fibrositis, but my chiro isn't convinced).  Not just running.  Happens randomly.  Stress fracture/bruising in my foot which came on suddenly after a 5k race a week ago.  I don't race 5k's.  Ran it to raise $ for my son's high school.  Ran 6:30's.  Felt super duper fabulous with no abdominal issues.  2 hours later can hardly walk.

Is this getting old?  Like does this happen when you are 29+++?

Hiring a coach for Makai's distance running.  He wants to run a 3 hour marathon.  While communicating with the coach I considered hiring him myself.  I see women my age running 3:15's like it's a walk in the park.  I feel like. such. a. loser. with my 3:25 and 3:27 marathons.  I work hard.  I put in 50-60 mile weeks.  When I try to add more, my body breaks.

My job and family keep me busy.  I work 40+ hours a week.  Kanoa is in 4th grade which means homework and after school sports.  Makai is a sophomore and although he is independent and drives, he is involved in XC in the fall and track in the spring which means hours and hours at his races.  I missed one track meet due to a work conflict and it was awful not being there.  I wouldn't trade anything for not watching my kids in their activities.  Then there are "chores" at home. My point: I'm busy and have a very fulfilling life.  I'm not looking to fill my hours with a hobby because I sent my youngest off to Kindergarten and don't know what to do with myself. (Kiana is away at college and needs my guidance as to what type of tattoo to get and how many shots are too many!)

I went on a beach cruiser bike ride a couple days ago.  Because my foot hurts I couldn't run.  I think and pray and solve all the problems of the world when it's me and my Newtons hitting the pavement.  So I thought and prayed on my beach cruiser bike ride in slippers.  I think I averaged 13mph.  Surely Ironman has not heard of me or my phone would be ringing.

Fixed Gear Bike.  Basket for Water.  Or Wine. 

No shoes needed.

And my thoughts were all over the place but one stood out.  Why am I so determined to run a 3:15? I checked off the Boston Qualifier (x2, so it totally feels legit).  If I do run a 3:15, will I want to run a 3:05?  I'm 29+++.  My "prime" was 5-10 years ago.  Are the races becoming my goal?

I don't ever feel like running is work.  Yeah, some of those long runs suck.  And striders hurt.  I'm in a funk.  Steve asked what was wrong today.  I told him I didn't know, I felt like I was in funk.  He said and I quote, "You only ran 11 miles this week.  That's what's wrong!".  And he's right.  I only ran 11 miles because of my foot.

This morning I ran 5 miles barefoot.  Alone.  On the beach.  Splashing through the water at times.  I felt so alive.  It was NOT the best thing for my foot.  It WAS the best thing for my mind.

There really is no better place for me to be.

I have been wanting to find other women who are as crazily addicted to running as I am to run/hang out with.  Because in all honestly, I know there are people who think I am craaaaaaaaaazy.  They don't get my endorphin addiction and my competitiveness.  Just finishing a race has never been ok with me.   There has to be miles logged and a plan in place for me to even show up at the starting line.  I'm not wired to wing it and "pray" for a good outcome.

Kailua is a small town.  The military even smaller.  I ran the inaugural training run for a new running group on Saturday.  Mainly military spouses.  I really shouldn't have ran due to the foot issue.  Yet I was so excited to run with other women (and men!) who want to improve and fellowship with other runners.  :)  :)  :)

First club run.  

I'm thinking: This is great.  A couple of these girls have some impressive resumes who will help me with techniques to improve.  Maybe I can nail that 3:15.

I deferred Boston until 2014 due to races already lined up this year by the time I qualified.  Seeing my friends who are running tomorrow makes me super happy for them.  But I'm sad I'll be going to work tomorrow and not running Boston.

Does that answer my question?  Will just running and not having a race to train for be enough right now?  Or do I need to keep races on the calendar and PR's to crush to keep me motivated?

Mayors Marathon in June.  Honolulu in December.  Today I signed up for the Hibiscus Half next month.  I will get that 1:32! And who knows what could happen in Alaska...

Plant Based

My shopping cart has always looked bi-polar (no offense to anyone suffering from this condition). 

My side consists of apples, cucumbers, fresh spinach, mushrooms, kale, cherry tomatoes, sweet potatoes, Fage yogurt, coconut milk creamer, hummus (OMG, mouth watering just writing that word), salmon, Kashi cereal, almond milk, sweet potato fries, quinoa...you get the picture.  I tried a couple times to buy almond butter and natural peanut butter but the fam wouldn't eat it, and I don't eat PB on a regular basis so bought them their Skippy Creamy PB. 

The "other" side which belongs to the husband and 2 boys has baby carrots, bananas, blueberry muffin mix, "sugar" cereal, skim milk, sweet bread, tator tots, Activia yogurt, hapa rice, ground beef for burgers, brats, Coffemate Creamer...you get that picture.  And they like Pop Tarts, yet I refuse. yes refuse. to put them in my cart. 

The "middle" goes something like this: ground turkey, whole wheat pasta, chicken breasts, skim milk, pita chips, pop chips....and so forth.

The hubs, who has worn a size 31"since high school, and now wears a 30" has slowly converted to Fage, Kashi, and his famous Acai Bowls.  DELISH!  Except he would put in skim milk and apple juice as the base, where i preferred Almond Milk. But they are so yummy, that I don't complain.  

Until a few weeks ago when he decided he was going to try a Plant Based diet.  Not Vegan.  Refuses to use that word.  Do you know the meaning behind that word? There are many ultra runner athletes who get enough protein from eating plant based food, so he decided to give it a month to see how he felt.

I am in heaven. Like I am sure I have died.  Or a strange creature has taken over what appears to be my husband.  I am still eating my Fage and milk chocolate eggs.  It's Easter time. He is not.  He searches recipes online and uses more Kale than I ever have.  Spinach.  No longer turning his nose at spinach salads.  Home aid avocado and lime dressing.  Spends hours making veggie burgers made out of lentils, chia seeds, and whatever else they call for.  My favorite is a cucumber, avocado, tomato, black bean, garbanzo bean, Kale, and cilantro salad.  Chia coco pudding.  Quinoa in abundance. I could go on.  Oh ya, and natural peanut butter because "Can you believe the sugar that is in regular peanut butter?" Really?!?!

He is not struggling.  Is a little obsessed with food.  Think that's because it takes effort to make food that is actually good for you. He did go to Whole Foods today and get a "vegan" pizza.  That's how they labeled it.  They should say plant based. 

I have tried for years to say that Pop Tarts are not a healthy breakfast.  They're dessert.  That less sugar is better.  Brown is better than white.  Fell on deaf ears.  When you look good, it must be difficult to see what crap does to your body.  I on the other hand, have to work my ass off (literally!) to stay in size 2 and 4's.  

You can't force someone to believe what you believe.  They have to live it. Experience it. And do it on their own time.  For me, it was food.  There are larger more heated issues than food.  Use tolerance.  I won't mind if he starts eating real cheese again and replaces the coconut milk yogurts for Fage Greek yogurt.  He knows how good Kale and Spinach and less sugar make him feel.  And if he stays Plant Based, then I have effectively bought my way out of grocery shopping.  Who knows, maybe I'll try it.  Right now, am not ready.  

The teen kid's diet is starting to look more like Mom's.  Figured out all the sugar cereal and skim milk gave have tummy issues while racing.  He likes to run fast.  Replaced school lunches with sandwiches on whole grain bread.  Takes a banana to school.  Bagels instead of pop tarts to fuel with.  Soy milk instead of skim.  Natural PB instead of sugar laced PB.  Yet again, it didn't matter how much I "preached", he had to learn it on his own.  

Our shopping cart looks much more in sync now, although I'm not there to view it because the hubs does most of the shopping now.  Did I mention I feel like I'm in heaven? ;)

"Veganism"

Inbox



My favorite picture from the shoot.  


"Hi Malia.  This is Julia from Lululemon at Ala Moana.  Rosalyn has connected me to you as a runner.  We do photo shoots for the product notification emails and Facebook, and I would like to ask you if you would be interested in being a model.....".

Jumped up and down and screeched! Didn't read the rest of the email as I ran around the house in giddy excitement while the 3 boys (hubby/sons) looked at me with joy like I was crazy. I suppose I did not act my age.  Then again, do I ever "act my age"? Although I became a tester in January (Here), I never dreamed Lulu would want to photograph me running!!!

Morning of the Shoot.  Fairly Certain this is what I looked like running around the house after opening up my email!

Managed to pull the important details out of the email so I knew where to show up with my running shoes on.  Super excited they wanted to do a morning photo shoot at Magic Island, despite having to drive from Kailua to town on a weekday.  Most people do it 5 days a week (TRAFFIC!), yet my normal morning commute takes about 10 minutes.   

Since I’ve spent a ton of time on shoots in the role of “stage mom” for my "super model" 16 year old son, I know that reality is not necessarily what retailers are looking to portray.  Lulu's uniqueness is they do depict real life woman who probably won't grace the pages of a Victoria’s Secret catalog.  Yet I DID inquire if I should wear my hair in my runner bun or wear it down so my curls would bounce while I ran.  (I would NEVER EVER run with my hair down!  As mentioned in previous posts, I don’t like too many things touching me, while running, and I have very thick curly hair that would not only end up in knots but surely it would cause me to have a heat stroke. Has anyone won a distance race with their hair down?  Really, I want to know!)  Yet flowing hair looks really pretty in print.  Lulu wanted me to show up looking like “me” when I run. :) Certain shoe company: take note! 

I ran a quick 5 miler before showering and getting ready for the early morning shoot.  I did put some make up on as I am 29+++ and a little mascara goes a very long way.  Thankfully I zipped through traffic and made it to Magic Island with 10 minutes to spare.  Met up with the photographer who was the sweetest 29--- I have met in a long time.  She had a big red Lulu bag filled with goodies. 

When I paced Lavy (Here) in the H.U.R.T. 100 in January she wore some awesome white/black polka dot Speed Shorts.  Other runners called her “Polka Dots”.  Katie brought me some navy blue polka dot Groovy Run Shorts and with a white tank it is super cute.   She also brought me a pullover in yellow to wear over the short, which is perfect while waiting around for the Award's Ceremony. I’m always freezing after a long race. 

She had me run in 3 different locations around Magic Island.  She was trying to capture Diamond Head in the distance but the sun was hiding behind the clouds.  All I had to do was run. It was really difficult. Not. We did shots over and over and over again, at times running slow so she could capture me mid-stride.  Magic Island is fairly crowded with runners/walkers/bikers, yet only a few of them attempted to get join in on the fun by jumping in front of the camera!  We moved toward the lagoon, which had the best sun, and then by the channel with the Yacht Club in the background.

It really was super fun! I am so tickled that a huge fitness presence liked Lululemon asked ME...Mom to 3 kids. Full time job. Cancer survivor. Multiple scar bearer. I know it’s shocking but I’m really not in my 20’s. Or 30's!...to help them showcase their newest running line.  I’m in no way model material. They chose me because of what I’ve accomplished running. It’s a huge compliment and reinforcement that there are No barriers.  No excuses. Go after what you want. Treat people kindly. Set an example. And there are people/companies that will recognize you for your hard work and accomplishments...not because you were born with a pretty face and a speedy metabolism.  And I scored some super cute clothes!

29 Seconds Is Still 29 Seconds

After getting antsy on Friday (read here) and wanting to race Hapalua, I was given the military discount and signed up for 50 bucks, verses the late entry fee of $125.  Score one for me!

Questioned my judgement in racing when I went to sleep last night as I just raced Napa a week ago.  I believe the root of my desire to race was to show my body (rib/side) that I was in charge.

It rained and rained and rained ALL NIGHT LONG in Kailua!  The forecast for the race were light 5 mile an hour winds and it can rain all over the island and Waikiki remain dry.  Yet I still didn't get a good night sleep.  Pulled into one of the few remaining parking spots at the zoo at 5:15am and although it was dark, it seemed clear out.

Watched the "Chase Groups" start as we had a couple runner friends who were competing.  The Chase Groups are elite athletes from Hawai'i who are allowed a staggered "head start", starting 25 minutes before the 6am gun start, and their goal is to reach the finish line for a 5k prize before one of the 3 Kenyans (the "chasers") racing.

Makai and I lined up a couple rows back with Steve and Kanoa on the sidelines ready to cheer us on!

1st uh oh: The rain came down a couple minutes before the start.  Not nice rain drops that feel refreshing.  The kind of rain that makes your shoes squishy.

2nd uh oh: Left my visor at home in favor of sunglasses.  Didn't need the sunglasses once, where the visor would have given me some protection from the large rain drops entering my eyes.  I don't like running with both...too many things touching me.

3rd uh oh: It's a long story, and I am accused quite often of launching into long stories, when I could get to the point, so the point is: I had a Garmin attached to my wrist ready to use it for my splits neatly written on my race bib.  The Garmin didn't operate and for a couple miles, I didn't even have the time visible.

So what is a girl to do who is worried about pain? Legs that just put in a 50 mile week and a marathon? Has no idea what her pace is?  And who is trying for a PR (my previous half was 1:33:36).  I just ran.  Ran on how I felt, not competing against anyone. It was actually VERY liberating although I don't plan on racing like that again for a very long time.  I went into this race knowing that I was not going to compete for a place, but just compete against myself, because how many other 29+++ had run a marathon the week before?  (Found out later there were 195 of us in the 29+++  age group that finished.  That's a lot of "Moms" who like to race!) They surely had an advantage over me. :)

I did ask one man what our pace was between 1-2 miles and we were in the upper 6's which was a little fast, but nothing out of the ordinary.  After that, I only saw my time at the 5k, 10k, and 15k marks.  I knew at the 15K I was a little behind schedule but was hoping to be able to gain some of it back going down Diamond Head, but first I had to climb a mile up Monsarrat Ave. (I don't know the grade but it's steeeeeeeeeeep!!!)  I pride myself on being a pretty good climber, but my legs were fatigued at this point so I didn't make up as much ground as I had hoped.

From the start until heading back into Waikiki I had a cute little girl "racing" me. I had tried to drop her a couple times, yet she would end up next to me a few minutes later and I'm not a big fan of hearing other people breathing next to me.  Finally looked over at her and said, I think you are a lot younger than me and we are not competing.  She asked how old I was and I told her I was 29, um, I mean I told her I was 41 and she said "You're in really good shape for being that old!".   No, I didn't slap her or have any desire to, I just knew I was going to finish before that young whipper snapper and show her what us old ladies who have birthed multiple children can do! BTW, she was 30!!!

Nothing eventful about the race other than the puddles.  Lots of them.  I did get lots of shout outs on my skirt and I'm sure wearing a white tank top, that was soaking wet, drew attention to my adorable Lulu outfit in a way I had NOT intended.  Heard the cowbells intended just for me, right before the zoo, and saw Steve and Kanoa cheering us on.  Wanted to ask if Makai was on target but only managed to say that the Garmin wasn't working and I had no idea how I was racing.

The clock sped up as I was heading to the finish and despite my great effort to beat a 1:33, I clocked in at 1:33:08.  SO close!  It still is a PR and I will take it!!  I knew I had placed in my age group and was fairly confident I had won it as I had tracked the 5 girls in front of me and they all looked like they didn't have to worry about grey hairs yet.  And yes, I beat the cute little girl who called me old.

Makai came around to the finish area, looking quite relaxed like he had been waiting for me all day.  The kid, who in November had run his first half in 1:31, and was aiming for a 1:25, had finished almost a full 10 minutes ahead of me in 1:23:13.  He was the 16th finisher overall out of a field of 3000.  I was 72nd finisher overall.  There are no words to describe how proud I am of him.  I'm also certain he has some God given talent and with his training schedule he is improving immensely.

Makai and I with our AG awards and dry clothes after the race!

Ate a malasada.  Got our age group awards and headed home to spend the day cuddled up in front of the couch as it's 9pm at night and still raining!

Tomorrow morning is the abdominal ultrasound. Prayers appreciated.